


The Legend of Punchy McRobot

by BaronVonChop



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Pacific Rim Secret Santa, Pacific Rim Secret Santa 2014, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Shatterdome Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-03 12:52:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2851415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BaronVonChop/pseuds/BaronVonChop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chuck has recently arrived at the Hong Kong Shatterdome, and he starts to hear tall tales about a secret Jaeger. But surely the imposing Kaidanovskys wouldn't spread such ridiculous rumors... would they?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Legend of Punchy McRobot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ExplodingHye](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExplodingHye/gifts).



> This was part of my Pacific Rim Secret Santa 2014 gift for explodinghye! I hope you like it! :B
> 
> This story takes place after the surviving Jaegers have been transferred to the Hong Kong Shatterdome, before Raleigh's arrival.

A week had passed since Chuck Hansen had arrived at the Hong Kong Shatterdome, and he was starting to get to know the people stationed there. Or so he thought.

If someone would have asked him who he thought would be the least likely person in the Shatterdome to play a practical joke on him, he would have said the Kaidanovskys. The imposing, bleached-blond Russians never cracked a smile, and though Chuck would never admit it, he preferred to stay out of their way.

Still, Chuck had to give credit where credit was due, and there was no arguing with the Kaidanovskys’s record. Aleksis and Sasha had defended Siberia for years, and Cherno Alpha was well known as the oldest Jaeger in service. Wasn’t it?

Chuck sat eating lunch in the mess hall with his father Herc when Aleksis and Sasha walked past, and he overheard a bit of their conversation. They spoke in low voices, so all that he heard was Aleksis saying, “How long can a Jaeger like that remain operational?”

“It’s hard to say,” Sasha replied. “It is older than Cherno, after all…”

Chuck’s ears perked up and he half-turned on the bench, but Sasha and Aleksis seemed to notice his interest, and they dropped their voices as they hurried past him.

Chuck nudged his father. “What was that about?”

Herc looked over, his face blank. “What was what about?”

“Never mind.” Out of the corner of his eye, Chuck thought he saw a smile on his father’s face, but when he looked over, Herc was eating his food with a straight face.

As Chuck finished his lunch, his thoughts kept returning to what he had overheard. The Kaidanovskys had said so little, and yet the implications were overwhelming. Could there be a Jaeger older than Cherno Alpha but still in service? If so, why had he not heard of it before? And why was it not in Hong Kong along with the other surviving Jaegers?

 

* * *

 

The next day, Chuck went to the Shatterdome gym to work out. The Wei triplets were lifting weights, and the Kaidanovskys stood talking to them. Chuck had originally intended to spend some time on the ellipticals, but the machines were too far from the weight lifting benches to allow Chuck to overhear their conversation. He decided to do some curls instead so that he could get closer. As the Kaidanovskys saw him approach, they said goodbye to the Weis and left, marching past Chuck without making eye contact.

Though Sasha kept her face stony, Chuck could have sworn that he saw a smile tugging at the corners of Aleksis’s lips.

When Chuck reached the Weis, Hu turned to his brothers, almost as if on cue. “Can you believe it? I always thought that Crimson was the first Jaeger to have more than two arms.”

Jin continued, “And for such an early robot to have such advanced technology is amazing!”

Chuck reached for some weights. He thought he saw Jin nudge Cheung out of the corner of his eye before Cheung said, “And how would--”

Chuck’s weights clanged as he adjusted his grip on them and lifted.

Cheung exchanged glances with his brothers, then continued, “And how would you control four arms with only two people? Those pilots must be legends!”

Four arms, and only two pilots? Chuck looked over at them, but all three brothers were suddenly very busy weightlifting and looking in other directions. They left soon after, looking pleased with themselves.

 

* * *

 

Later that afternoon, Chuck had a meeting with Hermann and Newt. When Chuck first entered the lab, the two scientists were both busily working on their sides of the room. Hermann’s chalk tapped against the blackboard as he scrawled calculations, while Newt sawed furiously at a slab of kaiju organs on a gurney. Chuck watched for a few minutes, feeling like something was off. Then he realized that both scientists were concentrating on their work so hard that neither one was arguing with the other. Chuck had always assumed that arguing was part of their work process.

Chuck sat down in a chair and waited. He had to lower the chair a bit, because whoever had been sitting there before him had set it to its maximum height. It struck Chuck as strange, because there were not many people at the Shatterdome that much taller than him, but before he could think more about it, Hermann and Newt stopped working at the same time and approached him.

First, Hermann explained some trends in kaiju claw configuration he had deduced, with the hopes that it would be helpful in their coming fights. Next, Newt asked Chuck to keep the next kaiju they fought as intact as possible, as though such a thing were possible.

Chuck got the impression that they were just killing time before getting to their true purpose, which is why he was so surprised when Newt gave his shoulder a friendly punch and said, “Well, I guess that just about wraps it up. Take care of yourself out there.”

“Thanks, Newt,” said Chuck, looking from Newt to Hermann, wondering what was going on. “So long, Hermann.”

“Yes,” said Hermann, suddenly looking somewhat nervous, “After all, we have so few Jaegers left.”

Newt beamed. He looked like he was having a wonderful time. “And those Jaegers are our only source of kaiju samples!”

“True.” Chuck took a step back.

“Though there are rumors,” said Newt, his voice suddenly louder.

Hermann winced but kept going, looking increasingly uncomfortable. “They’re only rumors, Newton. There can’t possibly be a…” He stopped with a small sigh.

Chuck stopped. Whatever was going on, it was clearly for his benefit.

Newt waited a moment, a smile frozen on his face. Through his teeth, he asked, “A what, Hermann?”

Hermann rolled his eyes. “There can’t possibly be a secret, shadow Jaeger program operating another Jaeger independent of the PPDC.”

The pieces were starting to fit together. Chuck said, “So, this shadowy secret Jaeger program--”

Newt interrupted him, “That doesn’t exist!”

“The shadowy secret Jaeger program that doesn’t exist, does it by any chance involve a four-armed Jaeger?”

Newt’s smile was so wide Chuck was a little worried for him.

“Sure does!”

Hermann rubbed the bridge of his nose. “You mean it doesn’t, because the program, and the Jaeger, don’t exist.”

Newt’s smile never wavered. “Pretty sure that’s what I said, dude!”

Chuck continued, “So this Jaeger, which doesn’t exist, and which belongs to a secret program, what’s its name?”

Hermann started to say, “I don’t--” but Newt cut him off.

“Punchy!”

Chuck was momentarily speechless, while Hermann stared at his lab partner. “Punchy?” he demanded.

Newt nodded, radiating smugness. “Punchy McRobot.”

Hermann gave Chuck a nervous glance, then looked at Newt beseechingly. “Not something like, perhaps…” He thought for a moment. “Tangent Cartesian?”

Newt snorted. “Dude. That sounds like the sort of thing a dork would name their Jaeger. The awesome secret shadow Jaeger has an awesome name: Punchy McRobot.”

Chuck crossed his arms with a smile. “Or, it would.”

“Would?” Newt and Hermann exchanged glances.

“If it existed.”

“Right, of course.” Newt waved the point away.

Chuck waited to see what Newt and Hermann would say next, but the two of them stood there looking at him. Apparently, they were finished.

“Well, all right,” said Chuck, starting to leave. “Thanks for the info.”

 

* * *

 

Chuck wandered the Shatterdome without thinking about where he was going, trying to sort the whole thing out. Surely the whole thing was ridiculous, but how could everyone he talked to be in on it? Chuck found himself passing by the lounge, where Mako was sitting at one of the tables, shuffling some cards. Chuck decided to ask her if she knew about what was going on.

As Chuck walked over to the table, he saw that Sasha and Aleksis were already heading that way. The two Russians pulled out chairs and sat down as Mako finished shuffling. She looked up and saw him.

“Hi! Would you like to join us?”

Chuck took a step back as both Kaidanovskys turned in their chairs and grinned at him. “Well, er, no, I mean, I don’t want to intrude on your game…”

“Nonsense!” Sasha exclaimed. “Come, sit, play. We insist.”

Aleksis’s reach was so long that he didn’t even have to stand up to grab a chair from a nearby table. He pulled it over and positioned it so that Chuck could join them at the table.

Chuck sat down, casting a glance at Aleksis and Sasha. The two big Russians gave him smug smiles in return. Mako dealt the cards and the game began.

Mako glanced at her cards, then at Chuck. “What do you think of the Hong Kong Shatterdome?”

“It’s all right. Shame there aren’t more Jaegers here.”

Sasha clucked her tongue and wagged a finger at Chuck. “Now Chuck, you don’t need to pretend you don’t know.”

Mako’s eyebrows rose. “What do you mean?”

Aleksis and Sasha grinned at each other. Sasha leaned toward Chuck, saying, “You’ve been asking around, haven’t you? Learning secrets.”

Chuck laughed quietly as he drew a card. “Well, I’ve certainly been hearing stories.”

Mako crossed her arms. “Sasha, Aleksis, did these stories have anything to do with you--?”

“Mako darling,” said Sasha, “do you really think we had anything to do with this?”

Aleksis couldn’t stop a grin from spreading over his face, and he laughed quietly when he saw the innocent look on his wife’s face.

Mako gave Chuck a sympathetic smile. “If this is about a secret Jaeger program with a four-armed Jaeger, I wouldn’t listen to the stories.”

Sasha pushed her chair closer to Chuck’s and threw her arm around his shoulder. “Of course! You are so right. Chuck, don’t you listen to any of those stories about Punchy Robot.”

“McRobot,” Aleksis corrected her with a laugh.

Sasha couldn’t help but laugh, too. “Of course! Punchy McRobot. How could there be such a thing? Why, the very name is so ridiculous that nobody who heard it would ever believe it.”

Her husband nodded. “True, very true.”

Chuck sighed with relief. “So you’re all just taking the piss.”

Sasha tapped her chin as though realizing something for the first time. “Of course, if there were such a thing as a secret Jaeger program, they might name their Jaeger something like ‘Punchy McRobot’ so nobody would believe in its existence.”

“Argh!” Chuck grumbled, holding his head in his hands. “So is it real or isn’t it?”

Mako shot a mock-stern look at the Kaidanovskys. “You should really leave him alone. It’s not fair.” Sasha and Aleksis grinned, no sign of repentance on their faces. Mako found herself smiling, too. “Chuck, if you want to find the truth of it, you should ask Tendo. He knows every Jaeger in existence.”

“Thanks, I’ll do that,” said Chuck, visibly relieved. “Now, how about we play some cards?”

“Finally!” Aleksis laughed, and they all picked up their cards.

 

* * *

 

The LOCCENT control room was mostly quiet that evening as Tendo finished going over a list of supplies. A couple of other techs were working at their stations, and occasionally someone would pass through the control room to relay a message or check a system.

When Tendo saw Chuck enter, he got up from the desk. “Hey, Chuck. How’s it hanging?”

“Hey, Tendo. You got a moment? I wanted to ask you about something.”

“What’s up?”

Chuck thought for a moment about how to begin. “It’s about the Kaidanovskys, I think. And a rumor going around the Shatterdome.”

Tendo’s grin was lopsided and carried a hint of mischief already. “You’re gonna have to be more specific than that. There’s a lot of rumors about the Kaidanovskys.”

“No, it’s not that kind of rumor. It has to do with a secret Jaeger.”

Tendo did his best to keep his face impassive, but Chuck could see that he was struggling. “A secret Jaeger, huh? And what are the Kaidanovskys saying about it?”

“Well, nothing directly. But I think they’re somehow spreading the rumor in order to confuse me. I keep hearing people talking about it, like how it has more arms than Crimson Typhoon, and it’s older than Cherno Alpha, and its name is...”

Chuck trailed off when he saw Tendo looking at something behind him. With a sinking feeling in his stomach, Chuck turned around to find himself face-to-face with Stacker Pentecost.

“Hello, Marshal,” said Chuck, his mouth suddenly dry. He did not want the leader of the PPDC to think he was chasing wild rumors.

“Well, Mr. Hansen?” asked Pentecost. “What is this secret Jaeger’s name?”

Chuck found himself forced to reply. “Punchy McRobot, sir.” Chuck thought he could see Tendo grinning beside him, but he did not dare turn to check. There was no sign of a smile on Pentecost’s face.

Wracking his brain, Chuck tried to think of what he could say. “Sir, I know it’s ridiculous, but…”

Pentecost cut him off. “That Jaeger’s supposed to be a secret, Ranger! How did you find out about Punchy McRobot?”

There was a flash of light and Chuck blinked as Sasha and Aleksis walked into the LOCCENT control room, a camera in Aleksis’s hand. Pentecost turned, his hands behind his back, as Aleksis showed him the picture he had just taken.

Sasha winked at Chuck. “We’ll add it to the photo album. Another entry in the Legend of Punchy McRobot.”


End file.
